+soooo boring+

actually now...

i am typing this in school...

sal lab...

and the keyboard keep produce the squeaking sound...

argh...

stupid keyboard...

and i reach school at about 7.30 a.m...

i lie to my mom that i have sivik project at school today...

but the truth?

i just don't want to face her...

that's all...

she just break my heart yesterday...

said that i didn't study for exam(i haven't tell her my physics...)

i have 52 in chemistry...

and she said that i stayup late everyday just to online...

i am really totally angry that time...

she didn't even ask that why i open computer that day...

and just say 'online again la!go to sleep!don't make me take away your computer!can't be more discipline a bit d a?!'

fine then...

i won't tell you the truth anyway...

everytime you just directly break my heart...

and i am the one always try to think at the bright side...

like 'she just don't want me to go online and have bad influence...'

'she just want me to study hard...'

but everytime i think back...

i ask myself...

why am i trying so hard to make myself feel better?

and i realize that...

i just live in a lie...

said that she want me to have the best...

actually in the end the best always ends up beside my 2 sisters...

not that i envy them...

i also want them to have the best...

but sometimes...

i just want myself to have it...

just once...

and i keep lying to come to school...

just to hide from the empty,hollow house...

theree are many people that didn't have a mom or dad...

and didn't get to cherish by their parents...

but now i really wish that i can just live alone...

she just too hard for me to handle...

i can't talk to her like my sisters...

so i write in my diary...

and she also tell me not to go 得罪 other people...

(the stupid lawyer thing)

but i am almost an adult now...

i want to decide it myself...

even if i did something wrong...

then what?

i just start it all over again...

i really dunno what is getting into her...

i can't take it...

i prefer bored till i die in school...

than stay in house facing her...

she nearly sofisticate my handphone...

because she thought that i am using it...

actually i am settin the frequency of the radio...

and she sofisticate my laptop...

because she thought that i am using it to online 24-7...

actually i use it to study because my bio tuiotion teacher send notes via email...

and i can't print it because that is microsoft powerpoint...

and she said that i ponteng school...

tell you the truth...

i did have a fever that morning...

just happens to get well at noon...

and when my sister come back she tell me that my name was called during assembly...

the 3rd person who read the most books...

and i just say that 'luckily i didn't go'...

and her wild imagination get over her again...

and today i can't wake up...

(tumpang people's car)

she say that if i didn't tumpang my aunt's car she won't take me to school...

even throw my allowance on the table...

you know that yesterday she insult me and it hurts so bad...

and i lock myself in the bathroom and cry...

i really dunno what to do...